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Dearest Salty,

Thank you for the sincere and heartfelt letter we received this week. That was very thoughtful of you. Congrats on the new contract. Three years and $21 million is a nice little deal, but you understand, it was just a little too pricey for us. We are sure you'll look good in that orange, teal and whatever colors are in that Marlins uniform. 

Don't you think it is a little funny how you have gone from worst to first to worst again? Maybe not "ha ha" funny, but you know what we mean. Next time the Marlins come to Fenway and lose 17-2 we will make sure to give you the nice slow clap as we watch you strikeout with two men on. Oh, don't worry, we are not going to boo. We're saving those up for Jacoby. 

Please do us a favor though, when you throw that ball down the third base line please throw it into the outfield and not into the stands if you can. There's a lot of kids sitting over that way. We knew you'd understand. You always were a swell guy and the ladies sure loved you and that Sideshow Bob hair of yours. 

Maybe after the game we can grab a few brews over at the Cask and reminisce on the good times. Good luck and say hi to Lebron for us, but we gotta go, there's a title to defend and your replacement, A.J. Pierzynski,  just tried to punch John Lackey.

Best, 

Red Sox Nation


The Guru 12/10/2013 09:58:00 PM Edit
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