Wakefield Too Excited to Open His Christmas Present

Satire

"This is awesome," the veteran knuckleballer told his wife Stacy. "Theo never sent presents. Ben Cherington is really reaching out."

Stacy reportedly had no comment.

"Maybe I'll open it at New Year's. Or just before the day pitchers and catchers report. By the way, they usually send a letter saying what day that is. Have you seen it?"