Hear the Bailey, John Farrell: it tolls for thee

Andrew Bailey (USATSI photo)

TO: John Farrell, Red Sox manager
FR: Jan-Christian Sorensen, Contributing Writer, redsoxlife.com
RE: That untrustworthy, battered screen door in the bullpen


Dear John:

I truly admire what you’ve done with this team since your return to the dugout. What it’s meant for the city of Boston, especially in light of earlier tragic events in the Hub. You’ve helped to engineer an electric and completely unexpected, worst-to-first turnaround that’s stoked the dying embers of a Nation of rabid, die-hard disciples.

You’ve righted a sinking ship. Patched up the sense of camaraderie and refurbished the swagger in the dugout. You’ve tinkered and you’ve toiled, and we’re duly impressed with the repair job on the Red Sox Machine so far.

Recently, however, we’ve become aware of a critical improvement project that demands your immediate attention: that cracked screen door dangling precariously off its rusty hinges out in the bullpen.

You know the one. Big No. 40 emblazoned on the back? The “Bailey” model. Won't ever seem to close right. Slightest breeze and it blows wide open. Can’t be counted on to provide any shelter from oncoming storms. It’s a safety concern that needs to be addressed.

We desperately need to remove that door, pack it up and send it back down to the factory in Pawtucket for a refit. Some sanding, planing and a new coat of paint.

I am aware that we already shipped the door down to Pawtucket in May for repairs, but it seems to have been returned in an even worse state of disrepair. I’m also aware that we’re paying $4.1 million dollars for this particular model in 2013, which seems to me like we might have gotten swindled by a slick-talking, slippery door salesman somewhere along the line, but I don’t want to second-guess or get heavy-handed with the hindsight. Is the warranty still valid?

I’m simply wondering why we keep re-installing that door when it’s clearly not structurally sound and there appear to be a whole host of newer, fresher door options available.

I’m not sure how many times Jonny Gomes can go out and temporarily mend that door. Granted, he seems very handy, having repaired it on June 18 in emergency fashion in the ninth inning. I see you sent him out there with his toolbox again last night when the door blew open in the seventh inning and allowed a Blue Jay to fly in. Luckily, he was able to once again repair the door in the eighth.

We’d like to ensure that the rest of the team feels secure, and would appreciate you removing and replacing that undependable door with all possible haste. Right now neither the team nor the millions of fans watching have any faith in it.

Sincerely,
jcs

Twitter: @jan_doh