Elementary, My Dear Selig

This schedule is much better for fans, and probably better for hitters, but not necessarily great for pitchers.
Also, according to WEEI abnd WBUR, Major League Baseball is "investigating" beer drinking in the Red Sox clubhouse. Joe Torre is considering banning beer in the 12 clubhouses that allow it now.
All of which means nothing, probably, but it does extend the story, and it gave me a thought. This "scandal" has become a new touchstone in Sox history. Unless they fire off some more World Series wins fairly quickly, they'll be hearing KFC jokes for quite some time. (Which isn't fair to Popeye's, but KFC has a bigger name. Them's the breaks.)
But hey, MLB, enjoy investigating. Since two pitchers have admitted drinking beer, I think you can crack this case.